There were always those days where, there is just so much homework, and things aren't going the way I want to, I needed a place to cool down. I always had to anxiously walk home, knowing I won't have freedom to myself when I enter the doors to my own home, not until my friend introduced me to somewhere that I never would've considered before.
I was walking with my friend to his house, since he lives in the opposite direction as me, I have to walk extra in the how pacific sun. After we walked for a while, we stopped in the middle of the street, at a big tree next to a golf course. There me, my friend, and the other soon-to-be friends were there having fun, or relaxing. I always finish school, with the excitement of going there, knowing that all of my friends are there enjoying the same structure and field we all see.
It was a beautiful spot to be at. It was a magnificent tree surrounded smooth stone bench like structure, with the field of the gold course, and the mountain in the background. Other times, I like to visit there when there is a sunset, and see the orange sun paint over the clouds to a bright orange color too. It just became a regularity to constantly go there, with my friends, to go walk my dog, or even just go there for the sake of sight seeing. The nice cool breeze just blows away all my fears, all my anxiety of life, and all there is really to focus on is the sunset that's just setting and the shining reflection of the lakes.
I am glad I have put this place into consideration, because it is a nice place. Even if I'm by myself, I never feel lonely, because I know that I just have this sanctuary that I can refreshed and clean. The isolation helps, its a place that people just most likely just walk by, making it where its almost just me and my friend's territory. Of course I love to have my friends around, but the isolation helps me think about life more, I never have to worry about anything when I'm here. This is my Querencia.
Good job overall. I know that the place next to the golf course is your sanctuary but you have to describe more. The description kind of comes in late, I think it would be better if you were to introduce your place earlier in the story so that you can add more details to the story. Who are you writing to? Are you writing to your friends? I think you need to be more specific in who you are writing to. You have a good form where you introduced your stress, worries and all that. But when you introduce the place, try to add more visuals. How were you and your friends having fun, what were you doing. Focus is pretty clear, but you are talking more about just the sceneries of the place, maybe you can add more memories that you have of that place. Additionally, I think you are holding back on some things. your should try and express yourself more. Good job at putting personal thoughts. Lastly, there are few grammar and spelling errors. Such as : "the how pacific sun" and "gold course."
ReplyDeleteYOUR ESSAY SEEMS A BIT RUSHED, OR YOU DIDN'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME THINKING EVERY DETAIL OUT. YOU STATE THINGS BUT DON'T EXPLAIN IT COMPLETELY OR IN FULL DETAIL. REMEMBER I WANT YOU GUYS TO PAINT US A PICTURE OF THIS PLACE USING YOUR WORDS, DON'T JUST TELL US ABOUT IT. YOU NEED TO ALSO ADD MORE REFLECTION, HOW OFTEN DO YOU GO THERE, WHY DO YOU GO THERE NOW, ETC. AND COMPARED TO EVERYWHERE ELSE WHY IS THIS PLACE SO GREAT. AS(2)
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